I think I died a long time ago.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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