JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
