I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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