Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
people are starting to question the shark bite story
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
