glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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