Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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