Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She made me pour olive oil on her.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
