piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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