i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
