So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
