im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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