im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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