I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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