I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
