just come out here and I will go home with you...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
