It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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