i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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