Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
that may or may not have been my penis.
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