Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
