the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
