the new term for farting is butt boxing.
someone owes me an orgasm
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
