Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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