So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
