Pappa wants mamma naked
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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