I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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