This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
