If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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