Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize