I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
