The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
