I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
