I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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