i think i have two assholes
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
