I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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