Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
