So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Randomize
