im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
