I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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