but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
