I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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