Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
birth control should be required to get into college
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
