Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
