i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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