what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
