I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I touched a dick in church today
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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