If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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