Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
