i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
