i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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