Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
