When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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