In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
love makes seman taste better
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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