babies were throwing up all over the place
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
