he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
