party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
