If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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