So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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