How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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