Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
