Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
