hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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