I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
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I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
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You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize