Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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